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Saturday, September 15, 2007
Saturday, September 8, 2007
Family Ties-When To Let Go
By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
RUTH consulted with me because she was confused about what to do regarding her mother, her brother, and her son. From the time Ruth was born, she never felt like she belonged in her family. Her mother ignored Ruth, obviously preferring her brother, and consistently allowed her brother to beat Ruth up. Ruth had some connection with her father, but he was a weak man and never stood up for her or protected her. Ruth was a loving child and tried in any way she could to please her mother and brother, to no avail. She could never understand why her family didn’t like her.
As an adult, she married an emotionally unavailable man, a man very much like her mother. As with her mother and brother, she tried in many ways to get his love and never succeeded. Her son, Dylan, was eight years old when they divorced.
Dylan always seemed to prefer his father, and finally went to live with his father when he was sixteen. Once again, Ruth was completely in the dark regarding why her son didn’t like her. She had been such a devoted mother, so why was he rejecting her?
Ruth finally married again, this time to a loving man, and had another child. Her current family was totally different from her previous family and from her family of origin. However, she still hoped to have a relationship with her mother. She would send her mother birthday and Christmas cards, but rarely heard from her. The final blow that sent her to seek my help came when she found out that her son had gotten married without telling her, and that her brother had moved her mother into a nursing home and sold everything without telling her.
Ruth was a shining light of love. Her eyes, her smile, her gestures all radiated love and compassion. Her deeply gentle and peaceful nature was evident at first glance.
“Why? Why don’t they like me?” she asked.
“Because you are a giver and they are takers,” I told her. ‘Givers care about others, while takers just want to take from others. You can never give enough to a taker to receive any caring back, because they don’t like themselves. They reject themselves and try to get others to give to them. Because they have emotionally abandoned themselves, they are angry at others for not giving enough to them. Your mother and brother were united in their taking from you, as were your first husband and son. They look at you and see a fountain of love coming from you and they want it, but they are incapable of receiving it. Your light contrasts with their darkness and they hate you for it.”
“But what can I do?”
“Nothing, other than not be around them. They will suck the life out of you if you allow them to spend time with you. I know you care about them, but they are incapable of caring about themselves or you, so you have to let them go. It is not in your highest good to be with people who are incapable of valuing you – who just want to take from you.”
“But can’t I help them?”
“No, because they are not asking for help. I know you have believed that if you just love them enough, they will heal and love you back, but this will never happen because they are not open to your love. They feel inadequate in the face of your open heart and their closed hearts, and they take their self-judgment out on you. There is nothing you can to do to help them open their hearts. Only they can do that. It is unlikely your mother or brother will ever open their hearts, but perhaps your son will in time. He will come to you if he does.”
“But I have such a great life now. Isn’t it selfish of me to just let them go?”
“No, it is self-responsible. It is not loving to yourself to be around people who treat you badly.”
Ruth understood. She felt sad, but relieved. She finally saw that all she could do was pray for them to open their hearts.
As an adult, she married an emotionally unavailable man, a man very much like her mother. As with her mother and brother, she tried in many ways to get his love and never succeeded. Her son, Dylan, was eight years old when they divorced.
Dylan always seemed to prefer his father, and finally went to live with his father when he was sixteen. Once again, Ruth was completely in the dark regarding why her son didn’t like her. She had been such a devoted mother, so why was he rejecting her?
Ruth finally married again, this time to a loving man, and had another child. Her current family was totally different from her previous family and from her family of origin. However, she still hoped to have a relationship with her mother. She would send her mother birthday and Christmas cards, but rarely heard from her. The final blow that sent her to seek my help came when she found out that her son had gotten married without telling her, and that her brother had moved her mother into a nursing home and sold everything without telling her.
Ruth was a shining light of love. Her eyes, her smile, her gestures all radiated love and compassion. Her deeply gentle and peaceful nature was evident at first glance.
“Why? Why don’t they like me?” she asked.
“Because you are a giver and they are takers,” I told her. ‘Givers care about others, while takers just want to take from others. You can never give enough to a taker to receive any caring back, because they don’t like themselves. They reject themselves and try to get others to give to them. Because they have emotionally abandoned themselves, they are angry at others for not giving enough to them. Your mother and brother were united in their taking from you, as were your first husband and son. They look at you and see a fountain of love coming from you and they want it, but they are incapable of receiving it. Your light contrasts with their darkness and they hate you for it.”
“But what can I do?”
“Nothing, other than not be around them. They will suck the life out of you if you allow them to spend time with you. I know you care about them, but they are incapable of caring about themselves or you, so you have to let them go. It is not in your highest good to be with people who are incapable of valuing you – who just want to take from you.”
“But can’t I help them?”
“No, because they are not asking for help. I know you have believed that if you just love them enough, they will heal and love you back, but this will never happen because they are not open to your love. They feel inadequate in the face of your open heart and their closed hearts, and they take their self-judgment out on you. There is nothing you can to do to help them open their hearts. Only they can do that. It is unlikely your mother or brother will ever open their hearts, but perhaps your son will in time. He will come to you if he does.”
“But I have such a great life now. Isn’t it selfish of me to just let them go?”
“No, it is self-responsible. It is not loving to yourself to be around people who treat you badly.”
Ruth understood. She felt sad, but relieved. She finally saw that all she could do was pray for them to open their hearts.
Monday, September 3, 2007
Singapore JewelFest 2007
Singapore JewelFest 2007 (SJF2007) brings together leading brands in Singapore and around the world under one roof at the Jewel Pavilion from October 12 to 21. This is the festival's highlight exhibition, showcasing more than S$6 million worth of jewellery. During the 10-day exhibition profiling "The Bold & Beautiful", there will be special showcases of heritage pieces, rare stones and limited edition designs. Jewellery lovers will also get to shop for their favourite pieces with our jewellery trends feature; Diamond Oct 13-14, Pearls Oct 15-16, Gold Oct 17-18, Gems Oct 19-20, and Jade Oct 21. Participating brands include couture brands from Singapore, Italy, United States, Malaysia and Hong Kong.Back to Sheer Splendour in Singapore
Monday, August 20, 2007
Perfect Engagement Ring
By: Stella Williams
WHEN it comes to buying the perfect engagement ring, we know that it's as important as the marriage proposal, and it's also as important as the wedding reception itself. Since this engagement ring is going to be something that reminds you of something sweet, a cherished moment in your life, the engagement ring should be absolutely nothing short of perfect.
It's not hard to find an engagement ring of your choice. You can find fabulous engagement rings on the Internet or by visiting a local jewelry store near you, but this is a fact - when it comes to buying engagement rings, it's not WHAT you know about engagement rings, diamonds and the quality of gold that matters, it's WHO the engagement seller is and his reputation in the engagement ring sector.
Regardless of how successful the engagement ring seller is, a dishonest engagement ring seller will always try his or her best to fool you about the quality and price of the engagement rings he or she sells. This is to ensure highest possible profit. Even the most experienced and established engagement dishonest ring retailer will try to do this.
However, there's a handful of honest engagement ring sellers who will give you a fabulous deal even if you know NOTHING about engagement rings. Their focus is not to fool you once-off. But the most important trait that an honest engagement ring seller has is that he or she is trying to give you value for money and build trust and a long-term relationship with you. They want you to take the engagement ring home, show it off to your friends and relatives, and then give good reviews about where you got the engagement ring and what a great deal you got for the engagement ring. It's in their interest that you buy one engagement ring, and come back for the wedding ring. It's to their benefit that you trust and have confidence in them that you recommend the engagement ring store to your sister, cousin, aunts and uncles so that they will buy their engagement rings, wedding rings, and jewelry from them.
All jewelers and engagement ring retailers have access to the same pool of diamond and gold resources in the country. The difference is in the seller and how much profit they want to make from you for the sale of the engagement ring.
Finally, be sure to shop around a little bit more before you buy the engagement ring. Most jewelry shops carry the same or similar (if not better) design of engagement rings and you can find different pricing for them somewhere else. And have fun shopping around too!
It's not hard to find an engagement ring of your choice. You can find fabulous engagement rings on the Internet or by visiting a local jewelry store near you, but this is a fact - when it comes to buying engagement rings, it's not WHAT you know about engagement rings, diamonds and the quality of gold that matters, it's WHO the engagement seller is and his reputation in the engagement ring sector.
Regardless of how successful the engagement ring seller is, a dishonest engagement ring seller will always try his or her best to fool you about the quality and price of the engagement rings he or she sells. This is to ensure highest possible profit. Even the most experienced and established engagement dishonest ring retailer will try to do this.
However, there's a handful of honest engagement ring sellers who will give you a fabulous deal even if you know NOTHING about engagement rings. Their focus is not to fool you once-off. But the most important trait that an honest engagement ring seller has is that he or she is trying to give you value for money and build trust and a long-term relationship with you. They want you to take the engagement ring home, show it off to your friends and relatives, and then give good reviews about where you got the engagement ring and what a great deal you got for the engagement ring. It's in their interest that you buy one engagement ring, and come back for the wedding ring. It's to their benefit that you trust and have confidence in them that you recommend the engagement ring store to your sister, cousin, aunts and uncles so that they will buy their engagement rings, wedding rings, and jewelry from them.
All jewelers and engagement ring retailers have access to the same pool of diamond and gold resources in the country. The difference is in the seller and how much profit they want to make from you for the sale of the engagement ring.
Finally, be sure to shop around a little bit more before you buy the engagement ring. Most jewelry shops carry the same or similar (if not better) design of engagement rings and you can find different pricing for them somewhere else. And have fun shopping around too!
Friday, August 3, 2007
When Dating Relationship Go Bad
By Gabby Love
THE overall reason people stay in relationships that just aren't working is because of fear of being alone. Many people are basically considered "walking dead" when it comes to being in a relationship that has no merit of making it. Gabby Love offers many key warning signs that a relationship is on the brink of failure and it's time to move on. A. Fighting for no reason at all. When you start fighting over petty points that seem to blow out of proportion, i.e. leaving the toilet seat up is a favorite. The man being used to living his whole life on his own all of a sudden is considered inconsiderate and uncaring by the woman if the toilet seat is left up. B. Showing little or no affection. It's funny how this is such a gray area that can break up a relationship because it's usually determined by the disgruntled party. What is really too much or too little? C. The dreaded friends of the disgruntled party take center stage. Remember how excited you were when you first met and that special person was considered your true "soul mate" ? Now the meeting of disgruntled friends opinion appears center stage for discussion in your relationship. D. If there was sexual involvement in the relationship it basically has been stopped or so mundane that you can't wait until you are through. To me this is the real sign it's over. Sex should be considered 90% mental and 10% physical. E. Conversation in a relationship has become null and void. Remember the long hours on the phone and in person talking about everything? Now you can barely say one word to each other. F. Finding your focus shifted to others instead of the one you are with. Remember sitting at a table and gazing into each others eyes when you first started dating? Now you look elsewhere instead of with the one you are with. G. Finding excuses to not be together alone is becoming more evident. One of the favorite cop outs is work. Always working late becomes a popular tool because the other party can say they are too tired to get together. H. Vacations are spent apart. Let's not forget the movie "How Stella Got Her Groove Back." Vacations apart are meant as a reason to explore new potential recruits. If your mate says they are going to a particular romantic getaway spot by themselves or with friends....boy... the signs are on the wall! It's over! The above are just a few key points to look out for in a relationship that is going bad. Always remember a healthy relationship should be uplifting and positive.
THE overall reason people stay in relationships that just aren't working is because of fear of being alone. Many people are basically considered "walking dead" when it comes to being in a relationship that has no merit of making it. Gabby Love offers many key warning signs that a relationship is on the brink of failure and it's time to move on. A. Fighting for no reason at all. When you start fighting over petty points that seem to blow out of proportion, i.e. leaving the toilet seat up is a favorite. The man being used to living his whole life on his own all of a sudden is considered inconsiderate and uncaring by the woman if the toilet seat is left up. B. Showing little or no affection. It's funny how this is such a gray area that can break up a relationship because it's usually determined by the disgruntled party. What is really too much or too little? C. The dreaded friends of the disgruntled party take center stage. Remember how excited you were when you first met and that special person was considered your true "soul mate" ? Now the meeting of disgruntled friends opinion appears center stage for discussion in your relationship. D. If there was sexual involvement in the relationship it basically has been stopped or so mundane that you can't wait until you are through. To me this is the real sign it's over. Sex should be considered 90% mental and 10% physical. E. Conversation in a relationship has become null and void. Remember the long hours on the phone and in person talking about everything? Now you can barely say one word to each other. F. Finding your focus shifted to others instead of the one you are with. Remember sitting at a table and gazing into each others eyes when you first started dating? Now you look elsewhere instead of with the one you are with. G. Finding excuses to not be together alone is becoming more evident. One of the favorite cop outs is work. Always working late becomes a popular tool because the other party can say they are too tired to get together. H. Vacations are spent apart. Let's not forget the movie "How Stella Got Her Groove Back." Vacations apart are meant as a reason to explore new potential recruits. If your mate says they are going to a particular romantic getaway spot by themselves or with friends....boy... the signs are on the wall! It's over! The above are just a few key points to look out for in a relationship that is going bad. Always remember a healthy relationship should be uplifting and positive.
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